the name game

i like the name Pufendorf......has an exotic feel to it......like some magical creature...
however his profession ain't that exotic! hes a jurist....someone who analysis every single thing on this earth and comes up with theories which is beyond the understanding of lesser mortals like myself! (thank you very much!!!)

agggrrrhhhh!!

it is sooo frustrating when despite you telling someone something VERY clearly the other person refuses to acknowledge it or chooses to ignore it.....why do people have to be so cruel and NOT understand how important they can be in someone else's life OR if they do realise it....they are just acting pricey.....
and in the process you lose your self-esteem......sigh...life can be sooooo frustrating sometimes

hoping against hope...

The human nature...ah...so very quintessential....so typical....
the need to posses something...a thing or a person; is present in every human....
i will die if i dont get the latest cell phone model.....2 months later...i am bored with this...i need a new phone without which i will DIE!!!
I don't think there is anyone in this world who hasn't felt such emotions, not necessarily pertaining to a cell phone..but maybe a dress, a pen, a book and the likes...human needs are endless and so is ones greed.

i sometimes wonder if the objects, which we replace with the 'better ones'; had feelings, how would they feel...just like a human feels when he realises that he is not wanted anymore in some ones life...maybe someone would feel like this on realising that Your friend has better people around them, who are so much better than you, that YOU are not needed anymore, or probably when an old man realises that he is not anymore important in the life of his children who were the centre of his life....

i feel sad...is it necessary if times change people also have to change. the person who was the closest to you, without whom you couldn't even breathe, is god-knows where now!

it isn't evil if someone has done this...its just sad...

and the worst part is, the person on the recieving end has NO choice but to bear the brunt. Yes, you can obviously choose to voice your feelings, but more often than not, it'l hardly make any difference to the other person, cz he has already moved on, whereas you are still stuck there...clinging on a ray of hope....clinging on the last few fond memories, re-living the last few moments spent together...hoping and praying..if only you could turn back time.....and get your child/friend back to wanting your presence in their lives...

But alas! this is a cruel world....people change, minds and hearts change.....what remains are the memories and no matter how much some one tries to negate the other person's presence...these memories occasionally stroll through your life...either making you feel guilty or making you feel happy.....either ways....you ARE remembered.

i was wrong :(

i speak so much....but don't mean anything....god...never knew i cud be a sadist...i am not.....
i guess this is wrong on my part....to think ill for any one...this is not me....this is not the seema i was....i don want to change....i don want to think ill about any one....i cannot..no matter how much that person has hurt me...no matter how much some one thinks bad about me....

i have been hurt innumerable times...countless times...but don't think it was all their fault... it was my fault too....i have let them hurt me...i had portrayed my weaker side....i had made myself vulnerable....shown my weaker side.....
and even if i don't admit it have hurt the other person too....
but still....i give a lot in every relation of mine....my heart and my soul...but i don deserve accusations and i don't deserve to be misunderstood...
how can i NOT be happy for my close friend...how can i??
ask my parents...ask the people whom i spoke to that night....so happy and elated i was....sigh.....

and i thought i was quite vocal about my feelings for the other person.....to avoid any allegations....

i cannot curse anyone....cursing is for someone who has done NOTHING BUT TO HURT....for a certain S...whom i threw out of my life long back....not for a certain S...who gave me so so much happiness....
being hurt by someone does not mean i curse the person and forget the happier times...

i give benefit of doubt to people who have hurt me....probably to console myself...n save myself from more pain....thinking that there could have been some miscommunication, maybe he was being fed with wrong stories....ill stories....

i guess i should stop....
start accepting the realities of life and be happy for the good times.....

will miss their presence....

life

I am disgusted with myself…..disgusted for being so gullible, so weak, so vulnerable.

Some things are never meant to be…I should have realized this long ago…such a fool I am…to allow the other person to hurt me, again, and again and yet again.

I wish I was also one of those with BIG egos...maybe life would have been happier and smoother….and I wish I had the guts to go and slap someone right across the face…

Hmph….world is a mean mean place….full of egoistic and selfish people…. I pity these people…

I don’t think I actually cursed anyone the way I did last night. I don’t regret it one bit. I know most of the curses I say end up becoming true. I never knew I could be a sadist, never thought I could think badly about someone, but I did actually did so last night.

Well, I guess whatever happens, happens for a reason, I am glad it did. God taught me a lesson and I hope I remember this throughout my life. And not be as gullible as stupid as I was.

Life is very long, everything good or bad you do comes back to you. I hope whatever has happened is for the good only.

God is watching everything and I WILL never be so weak to allow someone to hurt me to such an extent.

another one!

i am somewhere in there :)

my creation!

i no this is very naive..nevertheless i am proud of my creation!

AR Rahman!

Currently listening to a track called Vande Matram by AR Rahman…

There is something about this song..something that just cannot be described. Makes you feel soo ‘Indian’. Makes you feel proud of being an Indian, makes you feel so patriotic! And makes you feel like actually doing something worthwhile with your life and subsequently making your country proud.

At least this is my current state of mind after listening to this song.

Went for a concert on 17^th, ended up screwing my rent law exam! But it was all worth it…no word can describe it.. I mean it was fantabolous! Just out of the world!!

This guy is ACTUALLY A WONDER!

Enough rambling about him!

It’s so much better to see such things LIVE. Watching same thing on TV wouldn’t have stirred my emotions so much! Seeing the whole audience almost mesmerized by a single man is an experience in itself.

The best part was the concluding song…Vande Mataram…where the whole audience of good 25,0000-30,000 people were on their toes (and some on the chairs! Including me) singing the National Song!! People from 7-70 were humming along!

Such is the beauty of a song and an amazing singer!

meeeeee :)

now i am going to write regularly on my blog :) as soon as these darn exams get over!!!!

by the way this is me edited by my super talented sister..

something nice

found this somewhere on the net :)


I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much ppl claim they will be there for u in the end its juz u againt the world
I've learned u cant make ppl change the way they think about all u can do it change the path so that u dont meet them
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that The best part of any relationship is the beginning.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned that When you are in a position to not be a nice person, that's when you find out who you really are.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I'v earned that My views have evolved from childhood, but I haven't changed my mind in a very dramatic way. I've always felt I was on the side of the angels.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
I've learned not to care, because caring makes you hurt.
I've learned that no matter how bad
your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.
I've learned that you should always leave
loved ones withloving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned that sumtimes ignorance is d best way to handle a situation

And I've learned…..

dont go :(

Two things happened today…which made me ponder..about life..Yet again..

Firstly…I realized that time flies like anything.

My cousin is leaving for Australia on 27^th. I am so happy for him..nevertheless it makes me so sad…seeing him go.

I remember moving to delhi when I was in class 5. We had a blast. The four of us. Skating in the rain on the roads; cycling early in the morning; playing cricket in the sun at 2 p.m. in the month of June and July. Sigh..those were the days…wish I could travel back in time and get back those innocent days; the innocent fights; the innocent discussions; and not to forget the games we ‘invented’.

Now ‘the four of us’ are in different worlds altogether. Sana in ahemdabad; Pulkit in Bombay; Pranjal in Australia; and me here…

Time actually flies.

Wish I had a video camera with me all the years so I could capture those times and look at them whenever I am down. I am definitely going to give my children a video camera as soon as they learn their abcs’!! I am going to miss him so much.

I may not see him for the next so many years..maybe two, three, four or five..and then the distance will set in, I will be busy in my life and he will be busy in his.

I find it very strange that we cry when we part with someone, we think about him all the time till a few days and then we tend to ‘forget about him’ like he goes into our subconscious and then our unconscious.

I find this strange…really strange….having said that I don’t think my life and thought process will not be much different…

As of now the very thought of parting with someone close to me gives me goosebumps!!

He told me he’ll be there for me..

Always…

No matter what….

Even if the world turns against you…

I’ll be there..

To give you a hand..

To guide you…

To give you a shoulder to cry on…

To wipe your tears..

He said.

I trusted him…blindly…

This is life..they say…

Always unfair

Always unkind

When I needed him

He wasn’t there

He turned against me

I watched him…fighting back tears..

Tears of betrayal

Tears of disbelief

Tears of pure sadness..

I watched him stand opposite me

Standing against me

With the world..

I realized there is no such thing as perfect friendship..

Then I met another him..

I wanted perfect friendship…

But what I had forgotten was that there is NO such thing…

Things were not rosy

My expectations were high…

What he gave, were less as per my standards

Then one day something snapped…

I realized my mistake

I realized that I was trying to change him

I wanted him to become another him

Because I wanted him to be a perfect friend

I wanted him to say the nicest things

The nicest vows of friendships

Just like the earlier him

Now I can finally say I have learnt the following…

The nicest of words are not necessarily the truth

There is no such thing as the best friend or the bestest friend

Actions speak louder than words…

And that things always needn’t be expressed in words…

this is life.................

Everyday I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered why couldn’t I be as manipulative, as tactful, as ‘smart’, as think before you speak types; as soo many of my ‘friends’….and one day I decided I am actually gonna become like that so that if nothing else I will atleast be successful in my professional life…..but a statement made by a friend of mine..whos somewhere in Pune…. made me realize I was so wrong…all what he said was that the worst thing for a person is to lose his innocence…and I realized my mistake..

Whats the use of that success when all that you are getting are fake friends who have a modus operandi of being close to you…whats the use of that success when all that you get are curses and abuses from people who despise you and people who get hurt by your manipulativeness.

Life teaches you so many lessons and still you don’t learn. It makes you fall; makes you weep; makes you realize your mistake so that you don’t repeat it…but you repeat tose mistakes...again and again and again…I guess this is what happens when you think from your heart and not brain…..well as my parents often say..some people will never learn…I agree with you mom….

People close to you have a tremendous power of hurting you…and you don’t realize it until you actually get hurt…by these very people….

You don’t want to part ways with these people but sometimes the pain becomes unbearable and one day you just have to put an end to it all…not explicitly..but somewhere in your heart you realize this is it….you cant take it anymore…you cant be taken for granted forever..you cant be taken for a ride….you cant let people drain you emotionally…even if they are your closest friends….there has to be an end to all this….you have to draw a line somewhere…somehow…..to make the other person(s) realize your importance..your value and your worth…

Why cant we stop caring for people who have hurt us beyond repair… why do we still hope that things will be alright..one day…

As they say this is life…

babies

Everyone loves babiess......

this is life...sigh...

Why do friends take you for granted? Why do they value their respective girlfriends or boyfriends and treat them as precious gems…and take their friends for ride thinking that they are always going to be there..no matter what…and in the process they forget that you are also capable of getting hurt or you might also feel bad.

I guess at the end of the day you are ALONE…no one actually cares enough to be there for you…why does this simple truth takes so long to sink in? Why don’t we have enough courage to accept this little fact?

Why do you give everything to a relationship and still at the end of the day all that you get in return is accusations and fingers pointing at you that YOU haven’t been a good friend….why do you go out of your way to help your friends in need, when they need a shoulder to cry on and when you need them..they are too busy in their lives to actually be there for you…

Is it just my life or it happens with everybody???

I guess at the end of the day all what I receive after giving so much love and loyalty to my friends are tears and a broken heart.

It hurts to think that your tears don’t matter to anyone…it hurts that YOU don’t matter to anyone…

As they say this is life…

This is for two people who have been very close to me and who have hurt me beyond imagination….and still after everything ,I no I am stupid enough to be there for them whenever they need me…

another milestone

Last day today…..

Internship over…at Fox Mandal Little....finally…3^rd year over..

Never thought work could be so much fun…with so much exposure…and work…so much satisfaction…

Certain people helped me a lot, some did not and some took the credit of my efforts…but I have no regretsJ because all this is a part of growing up and learning and becoming smarter…

Certain people (read person!) forced me to rethink about those school times when we had all the time in the world to day dream about some people…sigh… giving me an opportunity to again go through that ‘infatuation’ phase…..

A particular friend dropped her phone in the shit pot….and gave an opportunity to the associates and partners to have a good laugh…oh and wait! Two people actually went in for a leak after the ‘fall’!!! hahaha

I am gonna miss this place…A LOT… the 11 am break and the lunch and subsequently 5.30 break…the FM tea which got me addicted…certain sirs’ who never got over their English accents just after a year abroad…. certain sir who gazed at the bulletin board ALWAYS to answer our question…. and not to forget, another co-intern thanks to whom we had lots to talk about…

I am definitely going to miss this place…I wonder if its because of the work or because of our sirs there J [Mr. Rao, section 80 sir, jaguar, mukaish…to name a few!!]

And yes! The amazing people I got to no there…people whom I thought were not so good… but are actually very good and quite interesting… and yes special mention about those guys who kept us entertained by their tactics…

I will definitely cherish this time and the memories i gathered!