This 'n' That....

Shifting

2009-05-23T23:06:00.001+05:30

After much apprehension, now changing to wordpress.

Find me here
http://insanityincorporated.wordpress.com

Add me to your blogroll... see you there :)

Patriotism and me

2009-05-20T22:53:00.003+05:30

There were times when I often wished I was born in the pre-independence era, so I could also do my bit for India. While in my school, I was extremely keen on joining Army, and actually get a chance to go fight in a war. Sadly that did not happen, as my mother was strictly against it. The reason she gave was that since her own brother i.e. my Mama was in the Army, it was enough for the whole family, and for many generations to come. (I too gave up the idea on getting to know I will have to study science for that!! )
Anyways, since a young age, I wanted to so something fruitful in life. And i started pretty early too :) I remember being in class 5 and me and the twin decided to open a small school for the kids. We roped in two of the juniors at school and persuaded them to get a small blackboard, while we arranged for copies/pencils etc. Then began the arduous task of persuading the parents and the kids to join us. I remember we went to various chai-wallas, press-waalis, kaam waali bai, to convince them to send their kids to us so they could learn basic English and Maths.
When finally we had around 7-10 kids in our 'school' we started teaching them albeit in a haphazard manner. We were kids teaching other kids. Well, it did not turn out to be a successful 'venture', as most of the kids stopped coming after 10 days, even after we tried to lure them by chocolates. :(
Well, atleast i tried :D
Lately, I have been intending to open a school, for the poor kids. I know it will be a difficult task considering the fact that I will soon start working, nevertheless, it'll be a dream which has to come true. This would be my way of showing patriotism.

We often tend to get so self-absorbed that we forget to look around us. We forget that as responsible and educated citizens we should give back to the society in one way or the other. Small small things make hell of a difference. Things like not wasting water, or switching of electricity when not in use matter a lot. Most of us do realise this but many don't care much. If each one of us takes responsibility to do one thing for the society in week, be it planting a tree, or teaching the maid's kid some basic mathematical calculation, or trying to conserve the electricity, the world would be a much better place.

Twitter

2009-05-18T20:27:00.002+05:30

I am now on twitter on http://twitter.com/saima1986

And desperately trying to figure out so many things on it...

Add me on who ever's on it :)

Life in the past few months

2009-05-15T16:33:00.004+05:30

I have have been having the most exhausting days of my life since March end. Exhausting, both physically and emotionally. After almost living in the hospital for around 10 days in March-April and then now again in May, has finally taken its toll on me. Going to the doctors, seeing my loved ones (my twin and my mother) in so much pain, is extremely painful. Thankfully, both of them are on their road to recovery, (*touchwood*), still there are times when i wonder why us, and that too so suddenly.
Having taken the round of hospitals and practically living there, i was invariably surrounded by some family, whos family member was suffering from some ghastly disease/problem. One such neighbour was a family where the father had just died, though not young but certainly not a die-able age. The mother was inconsolable and seeing her crying hysterically right next to me, moved me to tears. And surprisingly there were random people, who were just standing there and seeing the poor lady crying as if there was some show going on. Later on I found out that the mother became so ill that she too had to be admitted in Emergency. Imagine the plight of the kids.
At the second trip to another hospital for my sister, the room was shared by one more female, whose operation had gone haywire due to which she had to undergo the painful operation again. Its been three days since my sister's discharge and the poor lady is still in the hospital. The whole nights she would spend crying in pain and cursing the doctors. No amount of consolation was acceptable by her either from the doctors or by her husband.

Death is inevitable, yet the process towards it should not be so painful. I saw so many aged people, struggling to breathe, struggling to live. It was so painful to see those frail bodies being struck with needles everywhere. How frail life is.

These few months I also realised the genuineness of my so-called friends. Almost all of them did not bother asking for my mother's/sister's health at any point. It was always their after thought. Never once did they bother to visit. Those who bothered are friends for life. Glad i realised this soon.
:( Ending the note in not so cheerful note, will be back again when I am able to do write 'cheerfully' again.

Apologies to A and Nancy for not responding to their tags, hope you understand.
I guess I deserve an award for being the laziest blogger alive!! :)

A forwarded e-mail, nice and inspiring

2009-04-21T19:41:00.004+05:30

The then President of India DR. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam 's Speech in Hyderabad .

Why is the media here so negative?
Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?
We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?
We are the first in milk production.
We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.
We are the second largest producer of wheat.
We are the second largest producer of rice.
Look at Dr. Sudarshan , he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchard and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.
In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T.Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.
Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India . For her, you and I will have to build this developed India . You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.

Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance.
Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?
Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - 'YOURS'. Give him a face - 'YOURS'. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores.
YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM.
YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU?
YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai .
YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.'
YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, 'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.'
YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand .
Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston??? We are still talking of the same YOU.
YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?
In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan.
Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.
This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public.
When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system?
What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England . When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.

Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too. I am echoing J. F. Kennedy's words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians..
'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY'
Lets do what India needs from us.

Thank you,
Dr. Abdul Kalam

Q & A

2009-04-20T23:26:00.002+05:30

These are a set of questions doing rounds on facebook, and i tagged J in it. After much persuasion he decided to write the answers but e-mailed them to me instead of posting it on facebook, for reasons best known to him ;)

Seldom does one find such honest answers and ones that make your day. I may not be as good as his answers portray me to be, nevertheless, it sure made my day :)
Aren't i lucky to have such awesome people around me!!
Thank you J for making my day!!!

Here are the un-editied answers provided by him!

1. When and how did we meet ?

I met you in detail at S and Co. uske baad i thought that u thought that i was weird (as i was linking u and that beard wala associate at S & Co) then may be u figured out i was not so weird.

2. Are we friends / something else ?

We are friends and I give you my word that i shall try my best to be so through out life.

3. When's the last time you saw me (hw stupid is that)?

17.04.2009 ( the final draft of our dissertation was to be submitted)

4. When do you think I'll meet you next ?

23.04.2009 ( when the final dissertation is to be submitted for binding)

5. What is the funniest / craziest/ cherished memory we have shared (or u know bout me that i dont)?

I dont know whether u remember but i do - tune mere upar frooti girayi thi and i shall have my revenge in this life or the other

6. Describe me in one word(or use as many as you like. it can be difficult at times to limit ur description i know)?

You r - THERE

7. What was your first impression?

Good talkative ladki

8. Do you still think that way about me now?

I sure do

9. What reminds you of me?

Gmail

10. If you could give me anything what would it be?

I wud try my best to give u anything without u having to ask me for it

11.Which color suits me the best?
Kala

12. Which song suits me ?

Yaar song nahin pata shayad - meri bhains ko danda kyun mara

13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
yes

14. What is my best attribute ?
I dont know cant be judgmental i like the way u r, on the whole tu best hai

15. and worst?
abhi koi aisa major nahin deekha hai ya phir yaad nahin aa raha but i will let know and must have told you also whenever i saw one.

16.Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Saima - Because thats who u r

17.What type of clothes suit my personality?
Ladkiyon wala question

18.If I was dating a guy and you were to advise him on what to expect what would it be (limit to three)?

main aisa kabhi nahin karoonga, the guy who is dating you must know you better than i do, it is his domain, agar mujhe use advice karna pada tu use laat mar diyo

19. whats the one thing that you like about me? (this is different from best attribute).

i like you as whole tu jaise bhi hai sabse alag hai aur jo cheez tujhe sabse alag karti hai wo hi mujhe pasand hai this cannot be expressed in words

20. and you dont like?
I will let you know as and when i come across

todays interview

2009-04-17T23:12:00.002+05:30

Well, as it turned out, this wasn't an interview per se!!!
This was a meeting with one of the partners of one of the reputed firms on our country.
We had an informal chat. He made me feel so comfortable and we really hit it off well, and ended up chatting as new found friends!! He told me interesting experiences of his life, his journey to write a book. (Hes also a well-known author of legal books!)
He called me to involve me in a new project, which is beyond the company's work, and is his personal work. But he was thinking of involving someone in his firm as well... That i will get involved in the project is assured, but the unsure part is the job in the company where he works.
So my status is still the same...i.e. unemployed!!!
Anyways there is still a ray of hope, because he has told me to think about the job opportunity and if i am interested they would start the recruitment process in a month's time!! So i am just thinking and keeping my fingers crossed :)

Thank you Guys for the wishes :)

Interview

2009-04-13T01:06:00.003+05:30

ummm...i should have been sleeping right now *scratches her head*...umm....i should have slept. why, because mom told me to and also the law of the nature says so, AND its late and i have work tomorrow.... But, i decide to write this...why...i have no answer..
ok, so tomorrow is my first EVER job interview. Yes i am nervous and have ZERO confidence, but i have faith. Faith in the One because of whom i got this interview call right out of no where.

Clothes to wear...decided (after consulting 10 people!!)
Shoes to wear....decided

I have always dreaded interviews, for the simple reason that i'll end up becoming a fool and the interviewers will be so harassed that they'll shout at me and shoo me away. Yes, i have had such horrible imaginative sequences in my mind when i should be working/studying. I have always looked of ways to wriggle out of the interviews (whether it was for the post of the editor of a magazine or getting selected for an organisation), i have tried to come up with the silliest excuse to escape the trauma and it never actually worked.

Picture this:
mom: S, don't u have an interview today at 1?
S: yes mom i do. But theres a lot of time left, why are u waking me up so soon??
mom: Woman, its 12, and you have to drive to Delhi for this thing remember??Its an hour's drive to CP!!!
S: (hurrying up, falling from the bed, and tripping on the sandals she wore last night)...ohhhh why din't you wake me up earlier.!!!
Mom: i have been trying to do that since 10, but its falling on deaf ears.
S: (at 12.30- still not dressed), Mom, i think i should skip this interview.. you know give others a chance.. or better still why don't i give a telephonic interview?? I'l tell them i broke my foot?? or the car is in repairs or i have to take you to the doctor?? what say :)
Mom: (emerging from the kitchen with the angriest expression possible) IF YOU DON'T GO RIGHT THIS MINUTE I'L SPANK YOU. Shameless girl, itni badi ho gayi hai...Shaadi ki umar aagayi hai...still look at her!! ,

S: (running off to save her self)

Well such have been my experiences with interviews.
I know there is no other way out. Today or tomorrow i will have to face the interview board...sigh...such is life...

True Friendship!!

2009-04-10T15:52:00.003+05:30

Something interesting that i chanced upon!
Have fun!!

Ishwar Allah

2009-04-08T13:06:00.003+05:30

This is a song from 1947-Earth, that i love, and can listen to it again and again!! hope u like it too :)

Ishwar Allah Tere Jahan Mein Nafrat Kyon Hai Jung Hai Kyon
Tera Dil To Itna Bada Hai Insaan Ka Dil Tang Hai Kyon
Ishwar Allah Tere Jahan Mein Nafrat Kyon Hai Jung Hai Kyon
Tera Dil To Itna Bada Hai Insaan Ka Dil Tang Hai Kyon

[ Ishwar Allah Tere Jahan Mein Nafrat Song Lyrics @ http://www.hindilyrix.com ]

Kadam Kadam Par Sarhad Kyon Hai Saari Zameen Jo Teri Hai
Sooraj Ke Pehre Dharti Hai Phir Kyon Itni Andheri Hai
Is Duniya Ke Daaman Par Insaan Ke Lahoo Ka Rang Hai Kyon
Ishwar Allah Tere Jahan Mein Nafrat Kyon Hai Jung Hai Kyon
Tera Dil To Itna Bada Hai Insaan Ka Dil Tang Hai Kyon

Goonj Rahi Kitni Cheekhein Pyaar Ki Baatein Hum Sunein
Toot Rahe Hain Kitne Sapne Inke Tukde Koi Chune
Dil Ke Darwaazon Par Taaley Taalon Par Zank Hai Kyon
Ishwar Allah Tere Jahan Mein Nafrat Kyon Hai Jung Hai Kyon
Tera Dil To Itna Bada Hai Insaan Ka Dil Tang Hai Kyon.

[ Ishwar Allah Tere Jahan Mein Nafrat Song Lyrics @ http://www.hindilyrix.com ]

I am still in the process of exploring the many options of blogger, so apologize for not inserting a link to download the song. Kindly google it!

happiness!!

2009-04-05T20:33:00.004+05:30

This has to be one of the good moments of my life :)
Got my result today, that means, i have freedom from exams, FOREVER!!
no more late night studies, waiting for the results !!!
Just another small step left now and i WILL BE A LAWYER! :)
Wear the prestigious band and the black gown, roam the corridors of the Courts! Bliss!!

My whole family is jumping with joy and happiness!! Congratulations on phone/smses/ facebook have kept me busy since 5 p.m.!!!

I just hope i don't let them down.
All i want is to make a mark for myself in this big, bad, ugly world, do my bit to change the legal system, earn enough money to fulfil my father's dream of opening a Hospital/NGO/school for the girls in his hometown.
Anyways, i am too happy to sit down and continue!

Adios! Hope everyone's dreams come true :)

My dada would have been so proud- "beti vakil ban gayi"!!

nice ones :) :)

2009-04-04T14:05:00.003+05:30

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us- Helen Keller

To know sorrow, is to be free from it. You won't understand sorrow if you keep escaping from it. Don't do anything about it. Don't push it away. Just be aware. How does it feel? Happy are those who grieve for they will love better and live longer.

I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you.

There is always someone who loves you more than you know.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?- Khalil Gibran

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.- Henri Nouwen

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

- Charlie Daniels
written en route to the funeral for his friend, Ronnie Van Zant of the band, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

2009-03-27T12:58:00.001+05:30

Fathers as fiends
Bachi Karkaria

Daughters have a special bond with their doting dads. Mothers are left seething out of the equation, and later suitors suffer because they can never measure up to the first man in a girl’s life. This was the credo, reaffirmed by all of us who have glowed in this unabashedly biased relationship. The monster of Mira Road has shattered the idyll. It’s difficult to think of a worse betrayal.
The blood of every father’s daughter must run cold to read about the 21-year-old who had been continually raped for nine years. A father as perpetrator, a mother as accessory, and a so-called godman not only calling the shots, but pumping in his own dirty bullets as well. How many idols were smashed in that burgeoning outpost of Mumbai suburbia? Everything supposedly sacred was defiled. It’s difficult to think of a worse perversion.
Every daughter who has snuggled into her father, charmed him into submission, had him indulge her every whim to her own delight and her mother’s disapproval, must surely have followed this story in disbelief. For the past eight days, we have been subjected to chilling revelations. Just when we thought we had heard the worst, another report, another piece of testimony has reared its head to mock our cozy illusions.
The Mira Road incest is not an aberration. It happens everywhere, all the time, as routine as water cuts in summer. Too often, ‘family’ is not the benign unit of protective Mama-Papa and loving uncle-ji, but a whitewashed sepulchre of poisoned innocence. To the curios in the showcase add the skeletons in the closet. Alas, not dead, but jumping out to paw, grope and molest. On a regular basis.
The difference at Mira Road was only one of degree, motivation, and the fact that the pustule burst open. This happened only because it reached new depths. When her 15-year-old sister was also dragged into this pit, the long-suffering girl found the tremulous courage to inform her maternal uncle and grandmother. So, add one more dimension to this perverse roster. We must be thankful for the doubled evil because that’s what finally led to the end of the sordid tale. And for the small mercy that the girl’s court of appeal did not typically cite ‘family honour’ to slam the lid back on what was its demonic opposite.
Child sexual abuse by a family member, most often the father himself, extends from pavement to penthouse, leaving no economic, educational or ethnic group unstained. It sits there masked in normalcy, like porn covered in the innocent brown paper of a school exercise book, like a festively wrapped mithai box swarming with maggots inside. The statistics may be conjecture, but they certainly aren’t damning lies. An act of domestic sexual abuse occurs every seven minutes (compared to every three minutes for any type/venue of sexual violence).
In this depraved milieu, we must then be very grateful for the six minutes of security. And, we, who as children had considered our unmolested cocoon to be the unremarkable rule, must now fall on our knees for the blessing of exception. When the parental protector turns predator, every other violation pales by comparison, arguably even turns kosher.
The father raped his elder daughter for nine years and, inured, felt no shame in pulling the younger girl into the sex vortex. The mother emotionally blackmailed them into submitting not only to him, but also to the instigating tantric. To be fair, she threw herself into the hissing cauldron as well. The parents abandoned their most sublime duty for the sake of mere crass reward. The ‘godman’ had convinced them that this was the divinely ordained route to the father’s business success.
The silence of the lambs of Mira Road is deafening. But the current empty din of electoral invective is unlikely to pause and listen.

Courtsey- www.timesofindia.com

Best of both the worlds

2009-03-19T23:30:00.004+05:30

Almost every blog post that I read over the past few months would generate a lot of arguments if the post mentions anything about religion. Hindus would ridicule Muslims, blame them for something and the Muslims would retaliate, explain things and end up ridiculing Hindus, and vice-versa.
My nani is a devout Hindu and my dada was an extremely religious Muslim man. I remember nani teaching me excerpts from Mahabharata or Gita and narrating me some instances from these holy books(she still does it). I remember learning the Gayatri Mantra and Om Bhoor Bhuva Swaha in schools, and then coming home and chanting them in front of my proud nani. It didn't matter to her that I am a Muslim, nor did it matter to me that I am a Muslim chanting these line. For me the meaning of these mantras was more important, rather than the fact that being a Muslim I shouldn't chant them. I still remember them, though I don't chant them now (school assemblies are over!!), and now I can proudly say that I know more about Hinduism than most of the Hindus I have come across.
I also remember my dada narrating instances of Holy Prophets (peace be upon him), reciting Kalmas, and offering namaz, scolding us for not praying 5 times and telling us about the fruits of being a religious and good person.

Often nani would teach me some lessons of life which pertained to one becoming a good human being and I realized that these teachings are there in Quran too. No religion teaches hatred, religion is supposed to be the guiding light of one's life, it can never teach to kill someone. With time I realised that these religions are not that different. Basically they all teach us to be a better human being, to have a pure heart and not be consumed by hatred towards anyone else.

Life is too short to be consumed by hatred. There is absolutely no point fighting over religious issues. The British followed the divide and rule policy and succeeded to achieve their goals. If our country gets divided, it wont be long before we again get ruled by fascist elements.

I am a proud Muslim, but I am prouder of my lineage, because I get to experience the best of both the worlds.

I wish everyone starts respecting the other religions and starts following the principle of 'live and let live.'

Religion and Us

2009-03-17T00:15:00.003+05:30

Today, in office, for the first time i was on the receiving end of a religious biasedness. No, there were no open abuses, no fiery arguments, just a cold reaction from some of my colleagues on getting to know my religion..
They thought i wouldn't hear the hushed up voices of astonishment, and the news being spread slowly that i am a Muslim. One of them exclaimed in a different context that "Parsi community has very few people left, so they are no longer a threat to our country, unlike other religions"!!
Can u imagine that!
What shocked me was that i did not expect this, atleast from the educated people around me. I mean does it really matter what religion i belong to? Does it make me a lesser human being if i am a Muslim?
Spoke to dad about this, and he told me, this is a part of life and things will get worse now, better get used to this!
Why should i bear the cost of the actions of few lunatics? The thought that i just spoke to a Hindu/Christian/Sikh/Buddhist/Parsee never crosses my mind, why does it cross the minds of others around me?
Islam does not teach hatred, and what angers me, is the gross mis-interpretation, people who don't even know two words about Islam, abusing it, left right and centre..
The day the people in this country grow beyond religion, race, case, sex, creed, we will be truly a free nation...

I wonder when that day will come...

why such perversion?

2009-03-10T20:40:00.003+05:30

Just read something on the net which reminded me of the movie, the monsoon wedding..
The thing that really affected me and i am sure many others watching the movie was the disgusting part about the child molestation. One never realises but things such as these maybe happening right in your own house. The little child often does not understand what is happening/has happened.
And more often than not these incidents remain only in the mind of the people involved in it. The child remembers it with fear and anger, the perpetrator of the crime remembers it as his/her pleasures.

Most of these incidents happen in the family, leaving the child with no option but to keep quiet, but what they don't realise is that by speaking up they not only save themselves, but other future victims from the hands of this insane human.
I still don't understand what pleasure does one get by molesting a year old kid or or for that matter a 8-9 year old child.

I hope and pray that no one, absolutely NO ONE goes through this mental trauma.

the watch

2009-03-09T12:49:00.003+05:30

A trip back to my home in Aligarh brought back lots of childhood memories. Memories of running around in the verandah or fixing a swing on a tree, or hiding a puppy outside in the garden from the elders, only to find it missing in 15 mins. Ahh..such childhood memories, time really flies!
Wish i could have enjoyed just a little bit more! But as they say, its never really enough!

Now the garden in the house is missing, replaced by a towering building, no neem tree...and no more swings.
The only chatter that remains in the house are of my two little cousins (who are not so little anymore!)... no more shouts of my dada for his routine food/chai/water etc etc.
I was never really close to my dada, met him occasionally, nevertheless, his loss has been scarier to me than i thought it would have been. His death was inevitable, something that was becoming too obvious, with his falling health et al. But the realisation that the next generation after him would be my parents generation is all the more scarier.
I wish i had the chance to spend more time with him, share more laughs with him.
I don't remember my dadi, she passed away too soon and too fast.
Yes, we got pampered a lot by her, but the memories have faded away..
i read this somewhere... "Someone can walk into your life
and it is not until after they walk out
that you realize that they were even there"
So very true...
Life becomes so..so..empty without their blessings on us.
I got my dada's watch as a memorabilia..to remind me always what i have lost in life and what i still stand to gain, by being with the people close to me...cz one never really knows!

Grow up people!

2009-02-12T15:15:00.006+05:30

Its been some time since the shocking events in Mangalore, but thankfully the memories of such a dreadful event are still not erased and they shouldn't be, atleast till the time these so-called protectors of Indian Culture are brought to books. But i don't see this happening in the near future. The fact that these hooligans were out on bail barely days after the horrific incident shows that no matter how much we shout, how much we protest, it will fall on deaf ears. The most sickening part was the manner in which these hooligans were justifying their acts.
I wonder why the Government has not yet banned the 'Ram Sena'. These acts are just not acceptable.
Our society is still very much a male-chauvinist society. Men can go to pubs, drink, roam with women, but not women. If they do anything of these sorts, they are termed as loose or immoral. I wonder when will these people grow up!
Kudos to the Pink Chaddi Campaign. We should have more of these.

life

2009-02-04T16:03:00.002+05:30

i am soon going to be a lawyer..whoa! feels scary..i will soon enter into THE BIG BAD WORLD..i wish i could decide, be clear and be strong.
i wish to defend human rights, women's rights, Muslim people's plight,children's rights, right for a safe and pollution free enviornment but that would require me to be in a position where people will sit up and take notice.
i wonder when will that be. i could start by today, but various things and apprehensions stop me. i am unprepared to take a risk, to venture out alone.
once i do that, my dreams will become a reality.

On Amitabh Bachchan's Blog..

2008-11-20T02:01:00.000+05:30

In the world of life and struggle, I wobble through the rivers of disdain and unwanted cynicism..
Of hatred and jealousy and malice and deliberate abuse..
I swim across to the banks where there are none. The sand below my feet is soft at touch but torturous and rapidly thinning.
The harsh rocks of deliberation and deceit lacerate a body that has known no injury.
I am consumed. I breathe with bated breath. I am still and voluminous and inert…
I am simply me in disguise and paint..
Music is supreme.. Loud and lyrical..
I am in life.. I am me..

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

2008-11-20T01:59:00.002+05:30

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.

From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:

“Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease”?

To this Arthur Ashe replied:

“The world over — 50 million children start playing tennis,

5 million learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis,

50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,

50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,

When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD ‘Why me?’.

And today in pain I should not be asking GOD ‘Why me?’ “

“Happiness keeps you Sweet,

Trials keep you Strong,

Sorrow keeps you Human,

Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith &

Attitude keeps you going…

2008-09-27T02:53:00.002+05:30

why cant people be less complicated and understand...
i wonder why all my posts are asking questions and questions, which always remain unanswered...and i still continue asking!

Before Sunrise

2008-09-27T02:50:00.000+05:30

Daydream delusion, limousine eyelash
Oh baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet-cakes and milkshakes
I'm a delusion angel
I'm a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don't want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we're going
Lodged in life
Like branches in a river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I carry you
You'll carry me
That's how it could be
Don't you know me? Don't you know me by now?

A Street poet in Before Sunrise

blaahh

2008-09-24T01:04:00.003+05:30

wish i could also have an endless conversation with a stranger..which could go on an on and on...without any apprehensions, without any tensions and without any conscience...
i wonder when will i start 'living'...
life seems such a drag...want to have a free life, want to travel...far far away to some unknown land, amidst strangers...wear whatever i want to, sit the way i want to and for once not care about what the other person thinks...
wonder if thats ever possible

weird things

2008-08-23T21:34:00.000+05:30

Somethings are just too weird….i realized today that we spend more time with our electronic gadgets rather than our family. We are ready to spend more than half of the day sitting in front of a computer, chatting, smsing, talking on the phone, or just playing games on a computer. Can you imagine we like spending time with these non-living things, these mechanical things which have no feelings or emotions whatsoever. And we prefer these over our friends and families. Life would have been so much better without then na! Well u no it is ironical, I actually cannot survive without my cell-phone or without my laptop, but I have started hating my dependency on them..
I guess we should all learn to draw a line somewhere. Stop using them for a while and learn to live sometime without them, which perhaps will be the most difficult thing for freaks like us.
Sometime back, all my cousins had gathered together after quite a long time. I was excited to be with them again and have our usual fights. Teasing sessions, troubling sessions and the likes, but what made me sad was that when I went in the room to greet them, I encountered a stony silence and all four of them sitting in front of their respective computers/laptops and busy in their chatting sessions or their gaming sessions. Such is life…imagine four young boys who wouldn’t stop chattering, don’t have a word to say to each other now!
I wonder what kind of lives my children will lead!! Kind of scary….

LIFE

2008-07-31T16:26:00.002+05:30

life gives you a thousand reasons to smile and a thousand more to cry...one important phase of life ends and brings with it few tears, some fond memories and some treasured moments...to be remembered forever...
it also brings with itself, apprehensions, nervousness, excitement and fear...fear of trodding down an unknown path, fear of coming across strangers, new people, fear of leaving the comfort zone...and venturing into unfamiliar territory...
every change is apprehended, questioned, doubted amd frowned upon...even if its for the better...
i remember leaving Suri & Co. with so much uncertainity and fear...with my mind full of scary thoughts....apprehensions....and wondering what was in store for me......

but that was a very wonderful change...loved every minute spent there :)
maybe most of the changes that happen are for the best :)

2008-07-23T17:54:00.002+05:30

Everyday, i come to office, stare at the computer screen and watch, play, research, chat or simply and idiotically browse the net...see others pictures or mine. And everynight i sleep, i do not feel discontent, i wonder how and why. I wonder whether i have gotten into the habit of simply lazing around doing nothing. Its not funny! Everyday i decide i have to do something meaningful, finish one task, but i return back home everyday, with zero knowledge and full wastage of time. Is this the reason why i love coming to this office? Because i get appreciation for work without much effort, or the fact that i get ti sit with people who are interesting and funny! But where does that leave my personal growth? Right there on the backseat, sitting happily behind everything else, even those which are irrelevant.
Perhaps its time i grew up.

ironies of life

2008-07-14T16:41:00.004+05:30

me, mom and dad have been counting the ironies of life lately, and maybe we have started noticing them just now, but they seem to spring out from everywhere!

Mom told me that when she was young, she never came across any ironies, probably because she never got any two extreme situations to compare..

Dad is shifting to Mumbai very soon...look at the irony, we'l be here in Delhi and he'll be there...n now when he'l get free early, n come back home at 6, he'll just have the walls to talk to...weird isn't it..
when finally we got a new car..there isn't anyone to drive it...
when the age is for mom to sit back and relax, she'll be hunting for a new job in b'bay...

it seems that i have forgotten the ironies of life that i silently counted in my head....will be back for the rest...

babies part 2

2008-06-29T23:11:00.003+05:30

THESE PICTURES ARE COURTESY SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN KIND ENOUGH TO SHARE THESE WONDERFUL PICTURES WITH THE WORLD ON VARIOUS SITE, APOLOGIES FOR NOT GIVING DUE CREDIT TO THEM, BUT HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO FIND THE ORIGINAL PICTURE TAKERS.

some more of them!

yipeee!

2008-06-29T23:05:00.003+05:30

yaaahhoooooo!!!
M the new editor-in-chief....
m sooo happy....
it feels as if things are now falling in place...
i deserve this! i shall treat myself for this...
i wonder what should i do....
ummm......

स्माल लिटिल पोएम

2008-06-27T16:06:00.003+05:30

हर खुशी है लोगों के दमन में, पर एक हँसी के लिए वक्त नही।
दिन रात दौड़ती दुनिया में, जिंदगी के लिए ही वक्त नही।
माँ की लोरी का एहसास तो है, पर माँ को माँ कहने का वक्त नही।
सारे रिश्तों को तो हम मार चुके, अब उन्हें दफ़नाने का भी वक्त नही।
सारे नाम मोबाइल में हैं, पर दोस्ती के लए वक्त नही।
गैरों की क्या बात करें, जब अपनों के लिए ही वक्त नही।
आंखों में है नींद बड़ी, पर सोने का वक्त नही।
दिल है ग़मौं से भरा हुआ, पर रोने का भी वक्त नही।
पैसों की दौड़ में ऐसे दौडे, की थकने का भी वक्त नही।
पराये एहसासों की क्या कद्र करें, जब अपने सपनो के लिए ही वक्त नही।
तू ही बता ऐ जिंदगी, इस जिंदगी का क्या होगा, की हर पल मरने वालों को, जीने के लिए भी वक्त नही.......

happiness and sadness

2008-06-27T15:47:00.002+05:30

i wonder why, i write only when i am brimming with emotions; either of sadness or happiness..
right now i am happy! happy because for the first time i achieved something ON MY OWN..no approaches, nothing! MY CV got accepted in Anand and Anand! I feel so elated...so..i don't even have words...
I never knew i could do anything on my own caliber... i had taken for granted, i would need help, help of my parents or my friends anyone but i couldn't believe i could do any such thing on my own...
Thank you, Anand & Anand....for giving me the confidence, a new high...something to be proud of..

Sana thinks that luck is nothing...you, your own self is everything..i strongly beg to differ.. i am lucky cz i have an amzing an supportive family. Often i look at a street kid and wonder what life that kid is leading...he would stare at other little kids with jealousy and awe, a kid being pampered n spoiled by his parents, little knowing that this very kid may not even feel any bit of emotion for these very parents or for that matter grow up, move away and leave those parents to rot in an old age home...

life is weird...

some more baby pics

2008-06-19T14:15:00.006+05:30

aren't they adorable

THESE PICTURES ARE COURTESY SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN KIND ENOUGH TO SHARE THESE WONDERFUL PICTURES WITH THE WORLD ON VARIOUS SITES, APOLOGIES FOR NOT GIVING DUE CREDIT TO THEM, BUT HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO FIND THE ORIGINAL PICTURE TAKERS.

babies

2008-06-19T13:09:00.003+05:30

I have no clue what has gotten into me..and why do i have a sudden obsession with babies...i have collected so many pictures of little toddlers, that i have started loosing count..
I simply adore babies, for the simple reason that they are purely innocent, without any bad habits and without any prejudices and biases.They will gladly hop in your lap after initial apprehension, and won't care whether you are a Hindu or a Muslim or a servant or a rich man..
these little angels have an uncanny ability to make you forget your tensions and problems, the minute you see their smiling and innocent faces.
i wish to give birth...to bring out a new life from me..to be able to understand the joy or rather bliss of 'creating'...
Being a mother is the greatest joy for a woman and its really unfair that any woman should be deprived of this by nature...

loved this

2008-06-15T18:01:00.005+05:30

read this beautiful piece written by Sh Harivansh Rai Bachchan for his son, Sh Amitabh Bachchan....intelligent and witty...
Courtesy...Amitabh Bachchan 's Blog

nostalgia

2008-06-12T15:25:00.002+05:30

nostalgia prevails when i am supposed to be working! what timings!
came across few blogs and where one particular blogger was remembering her old times..and made me also think about my old lost memories tucked away somewhere..
i remembered one such incident where me, my sister and my two cousins wanted to do something adventurous.. (adventure then meant climbing gates and walls and jumping!) ..that was class 5..or perhaps 6..i vividly remember wearing my light pink shoes, that i simply loved...and all four of us climbing away to glory on the neighbour's wall to jump to the backside of the neighbour's house, which was nothing but a dumping ground or rather a junk yard..and our hidden 'adventures' to find a hidden treasure there (which was more often than not a rare coloured stone! ).. anyways back to that day...i remember coming back from the junkyard still on the wall trying hard not to step on the pieces of glass on stuck deliberately on the wall to ward off trespassers (read us!).. when i hear my aunt and uncle coming..we all panicked at the thought of being caught standing on neighbor's wall, that we rushed and amidst this a glass piece passed through my pretty pink shoe and pierced my foot..
anyone would have fainted at the sight of blood gushing out, but me..oh never! i was NOT a cry baby...very calmly (and i still wonder how on earth!) i managed to pull put that piece, jump from the wall, with my blood drops following me, and ran to the nearest washroom to wash my feet...without a single tear i managed to survive a bloody incident and happily resumed our activities!

thank god!

2008-05-28T20:37:00.003+05:30

I don't remember the last time i thanked Allah for making me the person i am, for giving me such a loving family and such amazing friends..
Busy with the other 'less important' things we tend to forget the being that created us and gave us the life we are leading...
Today i saw something which made me realise how lucky i am, to be born with perfect hands, eyes, feet...the list is endless...
Today while going to the parking lot of Saket's posh mall, i saw two swanky cars on the entrance, one Mercedes and the other one BMW..curiosity drew me to stare at those amazing machines when my eyes fell upon a young good looking boy, probably in his early twenties or perhaps late teens, sitting on a wheel-chair right in front of the Mercedes. One lady way brushing his hair and another man was smiling and talking to him. I was looking at his feet trying to figure out what was wrong when i suddenly saw another wheel chair nearing the Mercedes, and a young pretty girl about the same age sitting on the back seat of the car, with her feet outside, and her mother (probably), trying to make her stand and sit on the chair...
I was shocked, how can God be so cruel, to give such a terrible disease to someone so beautiful... i realised that even though they may be having all the money in the world, they were still deprived of something that we all take for granted...our feet...
And just when i was recovering from the shock, i saw two good looking boys, most probably members of the same family, in their late twenties and one of the boys also couldn't walk properly. Even though he did not need a wheel chair still his walk was of the kinds that people turned and stared at him..

i was very disturbed and i still am very disturbed...we do not realise and thank Allah for the things he has given us, instead we crib for what we do not have, a better brain, a better figure, a better face and so on... our demands and wishes are endless..

I thank Allah for bestowing upon me His blessings and a good fortune. And i hope and pray that He forfiges me for all the sins i have committed and hope He makes me a stronger person...

ufffff.................

2008-05-21T22:56:00.002+05:30

what the hell is happening to this world...
neeraj bhaiya killed...rather chopped into pieces....ufffff.........
i am just too upset..everyday EVERY GOD DAMN DAY I have to hear such a news....first sanchit's murder, then aarushi's and now this....
poor poor parents...
how can people be so cruel how can they do this.......
what is this world coming to?
what kind of an atmosphere my children will grow up in....
i am not liking this AT ALL...
may his soul rest in peace

2008-05-18T00:24:00.000+05:30

Life is so unpredictable, you sleep one night without knowing whether you will see the next day or the next minute for that matter.
Two very shocking incident happened in the past week. One was the murder of a young 18 year old by some people he knew, and one which has really shook me from inside is the murder of 14 year old Arushi. Yes, it did make a difference to me because I had seen her some time back, she’s my dentist’s daughter. I guess I first saw her around 10 years back, she was probably a toddler then, I don’t even remember, but I do remember her from the last visit..
Everyone thinks that something this bad couldn’t ever happen to us or our family or our friends.. But then its happening right in front of our eyes… its actually unbelievable.. I just do not understand how can someone be so mentally sick so as to kill a young innocent girl…
I have to do something…not just sit and witness these events…read about a young girl being raped, read about an infant being raped by her own father… appalling, atrocious and JUST PLAIN DISGUSTING ... I think such people should be hanged till they rot..

I mean just the thought of a mother seeing the dead body of her son or daughter with whom she nurtured so many dreams, shared so many thoughts, precious moments and more importantly who actually came out of her…is just so scary… so unimaginable…

Is this why a mother gives birth to her child? To see her getting raped, to see his dead body… to see all her hopes and dreams of seeing her child get married, become a father or a mother just disappear with the child’s ashes..

Why do people do this…why cant they be happy and let others LIVE

old age

2008-03-24T20:36:00.003+05:30

the thought of losing a parent is just unthinkable at this minute...i would die, if i have to wake up without my mom's shouts or begin my day without seeing my dad donning that skull cap, praying and his ever smiling face.. (well..mostly!)... Met my grand dad...wasn't exactly close to him...but seeing him so frail and weak made my heart melt...i dont think i can even imagine the gravity of pain being felt my father when he sees his father, whom i am sure he must have idolized in such a condition...
i cant imagine the emotions that must have gone through my father when he said 'khuda-haafiz'to him, not knowing whether he'll get to see him alive again...and i cannot imagine the guilt he must be having of not being there at this age..
life is actually strange....
it just flashes by...
I feel sad for my grand father...happy also, that he got to attend his eldest grand daughters weddings and sad that perhaps he wont be there to shower his blessings on me when i tie the knot... sad because he spent good 15-16 years without his better half by his side....it must be so difficult...even with a room full of your sons, daughters, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, grandchildren...u still feel incomplete...so alone...
its scary...
so unnerving...

i hope he lives a healthy life and so does every one around me...

blaaahhh

2008-03-11T19:57:00.002+05:30

its been ages since i wrote something...
lots of things going on in my mind....gonna miss someone...and he still hasn't left this city... :(
just got over with the moot..had an amazing time...and saw some true faces of people...some shocking and some pleasant...
the thought that i give too much liberties to the people around me just made me realise that in this process i am loosing my dignity and self-esteem...why do i let people around me commit the same mistake again and again...and why do i forgive and forget so easily, without realising that those mistakes are mistakes for me and not for the other person...for him...its just normal.
and yes....i have also learnt to let go....although i did not want things to end like this..but then i din't have a choice....i never do.....
annndddd....oh crap....i have to do my projects...bye for now

just like that :)

2008-01-24T21:42:00.000+05:30

I have been reading some blogs…my sister’s; even her faculty’s….i too wanted to make a beautiful blog…perhaps a poetic one…or one that shows that I am grammatically superior to so many others! But I realized creativity is something natural, u cant actually do anything…I remember my sister in school…..she had the most atrocious spellings ever…we used to call her spellings’ truck wali spellings….read a truck’s rear and you’ll know what I mean! And now you read her blog…its simply delightful…a pure pleasure to read..and to gather from the words what an intelligent being she has become….

Sometimes I realize I haven’t grown up much…she was always the immature one; the kid in the family…..primarily because I was ONE minute elder to her…I think it’s the other way round now!

Coming back to where I was….

We look for the things lacking in us….

We envy others who are prettier, more intelligent, more slimmer,

More attractive than us…

What we do miss out in the process of comparison is the qualities in us…

Our hidden self

Our hidden talents..

And we fail to realize that

the pretty people aren’t necessarily the prettiest humans;

it may seem cliché but it actually matters who you are on the inside;

good friendships, good relationships; are good only because of the person inside you

freedom...

2008-01-10T20:57:00.000+05:30

i want to break free......free from mindless and senseless taunts..free from the constant nagging...free from unwanted advices...free from mind boggling instructions.
i want freedom...freedom to grow the way i want to...freedom to learn the way i want to....freedom to things MY way....
i wish i had the chance to grow and learn on my own....wish i had the privilege to learn things my way....wish i had the chance to do things i always wished without any qualms and tensions....and without caring a damn about the world around me.

sorry sana! took this from your blog! :)

2008-01-05T15:00:00.001+05:30

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

- Vikram Seth

welcome 2008!

2008-01-01T01:00:00.000+05:30

Another year draws to an end….a phase of life is over…

Less emotional

Little bit more mature

Stronger

A Better person

Happier

Confident

Proud of my achievements

Wild

These are some of the things I have achieved this year.

Every year brings with it more opportunities and more maturity…

Made some amazing new friends, realized who my true friends are, broke some old ties and made some better ones…and rekindled old friendships..

Became the sub editor then the editor, got my articles published, went for the trip…grew up in my own little way….

Take care of my elders

Become more religious

Pray

Read the Koran

Learn more about my religion

Lose weight

Become the editor in chief

Become less emotional

Less dependant on others

Little bit more mature

Study harder and better

Aim for the stars

Do something outrageous and wild

Be there for anyone who needs me

Become more professionally and mentally sound

the name game

2007-12-07T12:18:00.000+05:30

i like the name Pufendorf......has an exotic feel to it......like some magical creature...
however his profession ain't that exotic! hes a jurist....someone who analysis every single thing on this earth and comes up with theories which is beyond the understanding of lesser mortals like myself! (thank you very much!!!)

agggrrrhhhh!!

2007-12-04T02:55:00.000+05:30

it is sooo frustrating when despite you telling someone something VERY clearly the other person refuses to acknowledge it or chooses to ignore it.....why do people have to be so cruel and NOT understand how important they can be in someone else's life OR if they do realise it....they are just acting pricey.....
and in the process you lose your self-esteem......sigh...life can be sooooo frustrating sometimes

hoping against hope...

2007-12-04T02:35:00.000+05:30

The human nature...ah...so very quintessential....so typical....
the need to posses something...a thing or a person; is present in every human....
i will die if i dont get the latest cell phone model.....2 months later...i am bored with this...i need a new phone without which i will DIE!!!
I don't think there is anyone in this world who hasn't felt such emotions, not necessarily pertaining to a cell phone..but maybe a dress, a pen, a book and the likes...human needs are endless and so is ones greed.

i sometimes wonder if the objects, which we replace with the 'better ones'; had feelings, how would they feel...just like a human feels when he realises that he is not wanted anymore in some ones life...maybe someone would feel like this on realising that Your friend has better people around them, who are so much better than you, that YOU are not needed anymore, or probably when an old man realises that he is not anymore important in the life of his children who were the centre of his life....

i feel sad...is it necessary if times change people also have to change. the person who was the closest to you, without whom you couldn't even breathe, is god-knows where now!

it isn't evil if someone has done this...its just sad...

and the worst part is, the person on the recieving end has NO choice but to bear the brunt. Yes, you can obviously choose to voice your feelings, but more often than not, it'l hardly make any difference to the other person, cz he has already moved on, whereas you are still stuck there...clinging on a ray of hope....clinging on the last few fond memories, re-living the last few moments spent together...hoping and praying..if only you could turn back time.....and get your child/friend back to wanting your presence in their lives...

But alas! this is a cruel world....people change, minds and hearts change.....what remains are the memories and no matter how much some one tries to negate the other person's presence...these memories occasionally stroll through your life...either making you feel guilty or making you feel happy.....either ways....you ARE remembered.

i was wrong :(

2007-11-30T12:57:00.000+05:30

i speak so much....but don't mean anything....god...never knew i cud be a sadist...i am not.....
i guess this is wrong on my part....to think ill for any one...this is not me....this is not the seema i was....i don want to change....i don want to think ill about any one....i cannot..no matter how much that person has hurt me...no matter how much some one thinks bad about me....

i have been hurt innumerable times...countless times...but don't think it was all their fault... it was my fault too....i have let them hurt me...i had portrayed my weaker side....i had made myself vulnerable....shown my weaker side.....
and even if i don't admit it have hurt the other person too....
but still....i give a lot in every relation of mine....my heart and my soul...but i don deserve accusations and i don't deserve to be misunderstood...
how can i NOT be happy for my close friend...how can i??
ask my parents...ask the people whom i spoke to that night....so happy and elated i was....sigh.....

and i thought i was quite vocal about my feelings for the other person.....to avoid any allegations....

i cannot curse anyone....cursing is for someone who has done NOTHING BUT TO HURT....for a certain S...whom i threw out of my life long back....not for a certain S...who gave me so so much happiness....
being hurt by someone does not mean i curse the person and forget the happier times...

i give benefit of doubt to people who have hurt me....probably to console myself...n save myself from more pain....thinking that there could have been some miscommunication, maybe he was being fed with wrong stories....ill stories....

i guess i should stop....
start accepting the realities of life and be happy for the good times.....

will miss their presence....

life

2007-11-28T13:33:00.000+05:30

I am disgusted with myself…..disgusted for being so gullible, so weak, so vulnerable.

Some things are never meant to be…I should have realized this long ago…such a fool I am…to allow the other person to hurt me, again, and again and yet again.

I wish I was also one of those with BIG egos...maybe life would have been happier and smoother….and I wish I had the guts to go and slap someone right across the face…

Hmph….world is a mean mean place….full of egoistic and selfish people…. I pity these people…

I don’t think I actually cursed anyone the way I did last night. I don’t regret it one bit. I know most of the curses I say end up becoming true. I never knew I could be a sadist, never thought I could think badly about someone, but I did actually did so last night.

Well, I guess whatever happens, happens for a reason, I am glad it did. God taught me a lesson and I hope I remember this throughout my life. And not be as gullible as stupid as I was.

Life is very long, everything good or bad you do comes back to you. I hope whatever has happened is for the good only.

God is watching everything and I WILL never be so weak to allow someone to hurt me to such an extent.

another one!

2007-11-23T17:50:00.001+05:30

i am somewhere in there :)

my creation!

2007-11-23T17:18:00.000+05:30

i no this is very naive..nevertheless i am proud of my creation!

AR Rahman!

2007-11-20T15:59:00.000+05:30

Currently listening to a track called Vande Matram by AR Rahman…

There is something about this song..something that just cannot be described. Makes you feel soo ‘Indian’. Makes you feel proud of being an Indian, makes you feel so patriotic! And makes you feel like actually doing something worthwhile with your life and subsequently making your country proud.

At least this is my current state of mind after listening to this song.

Went for a concert on 17^th, ended up screwing my rent law exam! But it was all worth it…no word can describe it.. I mean it was fantabolous! Just out of the world!!

This guy is ACTUALLY A WONDER!

Enough rambling about him!

It’s so much better to see such things LIVE. Watching same thing on TV wouldn’t have stirred my emotions so much! Seeing the whole audience almost mesmerized by a single man is an experience in itself.

The best part was the concluding song…Vande Mataram…where the whole audience of good 25,0000-30,000 people were on their toes (and some on the chairs! Including me) singing the National Song!! People from 7-70 were humming along!

Such is the beauty of a song and an amazing singer!

meeeeee :)

2007-11-14T15:11:00.000+05:30

now i am going to write regularly on my blog :) as soon as these darn exams get over!!!!

by the way this is me edited by my super talented sister..

something nice

2007-11-14T14:58:00.000+05:30

found this somewhere on the net :)

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much ppl claim they will be there for u in the end its juz u againt the world
I've learned u cant make ppl change the way they think about all u can do it change the path so that u dont meet them
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that The best part of any relationship is the beginning.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned that When you are in a position to not be a nice person, that's when you find out who you really are.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.
I'v earned that My views have evolved from childhood, but I haven't changed my mind in a very dramatic way. I've always felt I was on the side of the angels.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
I've learned not to care, because caring makes you hurt.
I've learned that no matter how bad
your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.
I've learned that you should always leave
loved ones withloving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned that sumtimes ignorance is d best way to handle a situation

And I've learned…..

dont go :(

2007-09-22T23:53:00.000+05:30

Two things happened today…which made me ponder..about life..Yet again..

Firstly…I realized that time flies like anything.

My cousin is leaving for Australia on 27^th. I am so happy for him..nevertheless it makes me so sad…seeing him go.

I remember moving to delhi when I was in class 5. We had a blast. The four of us. Skating in the rain on the roads; cycling early in the morning; playing cricket in the sun at 2 p.m. in the month of June and July. Sigh..those were the days…wish I could travel back in time and get back those innocent days; the innocent fights; the innocent discussions; and not to forget the games we ‘invented’.

Now ‘the four of us’ are in different worlds altogether. Sana in ahemdabad; Pulkit in Bombay; Pranjal in Australia; and me here…

Time actually flies.

Wish I had a video camera with me all the years so I could capture those times and look at them whenever I am down. I am definitely going to give my children a video camera as soon as they learn their abcs’!! I am going to miss him so much.

I may not see him for the next so many years..maybe two, three, four or five..and then the distance will set in, I will be busy in my life and he will be busy in his.

I find it very strange that we cry when we part with someone, we think about him all the time till a few days and then we tend to ‘forget about him’ like he goes into our subconscious and then our unconscious.

I find this strange…really strange….having said that I don’t think my life and thought process will not be much different…

As of now the very thought of parting with someone close to me gives me goosebumps!!

2007-09-09T11:53:00.000+05:30

He told me he’ll be there for me..

Always…

No matter what….

Even if the world turns against you…

I’ll be there..

To give you a hand..

To guide you…

To give you a shoulder to cry on…

To wipe your tears..

He said.

I trusted him…blindly…

This is life..they say…

Always unfair

Always unkind

When I needed him

He wasn’t there

He turned against me

I watched him…fighting back tears..

Tears of betrayal

Tears of disbelief

Tears of pure sadness..

I watched him stand opposite me

Standing against me

With the world..

I realized there is no such thing as perfect friendship..

Then I met another him..

I wanted perfect friendship…

But what I had forgotten was that there is NO such thing…

Things were not rosy

My expectations were high…

What he gave, were less as per my standards

Then one day something snapped…

I realized my mistake

I realized that I was trying to change him

I wanted him to become another him

Because I wanted him to be a perfect friend

I wanted him to say the nicest things

The nicest vows of friendships

Just like the earlier him

Now I can finally say I have learnt the following…

The nicest of words are not necessarily the truth

There is no such thing as the best friend or the bestest friend

Actions speak louder than words…

And that things always needn’t be expressed in words…

this is life.................

2007-08-11T11:56:00.000+05:30

Everyday I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered why couldn’t I be as manipulative, as tactful, as ‘smart’, as think before you speak types; as soo many of my ‘friends’….and one day I decided I am actually gonna become like that so that if nothing else I will atleast be successful in my professional life…..but a statement made by a friend of mine..whos somewhere in Pune…. made me realize I was so wrong…all what he said was that the worst thing for a person is to lose his innocence…and I realized my mistake..

Whats the use of that success when all that you are getting are fake friends who have a modus operandi of being close to you…whats the use of that success when all that you get are curses and abuses from people who despise you and people who get hurt by your manipulativeness.

Life teaches you so many lessons and still you don’t learn. It makes you fall; makes you weep; makes you realize your mistake so that you don’t repeat it…but you repeat tose mistakes...again and again and again…I guess this is what happens when you think from your heart and not brain…..well as my parents often say..some people will never learn…I agree with you mom….

People close to you have a tremendous power of hurting you…and you don’t realize it until you actually get hurt…by these very people….

You don’t want to part ways with these people but sometimes the pain becomes unbearable and one day you just have to put an end to it all…not explicitly..but somewhere in your heart you realize this is it….you cant take it anymore…you cant be taken for granted forever..you cant be taken for a ride….you cant let people drain you emotionally…even if they are your closest friends….there has to be an end to all this….you have to draw a line somewhere…somehow…..to make the other person(s) realize your importance..your value and your worth…

Why cant we stop caring for people who have hurt us beyond repair… why do we still hope that things will be alright..one day…

As they say this is life…

babies

2007-08-05T12:07:00.001+05:30

Everyone loves babiess......

this is life...sigh...

2007-08-04T22:47:00.000+05:30

Why do friends take you for granted? Why do they value their respective girlfriends or boyfriends and treat them as precious gems…and take their friends for ride thinking that they are always going to be there..no matter what…and in the process they forget that you are also capable of getting hurt or you might also feel bad.

I guess at the end of the day you are ALONE…no one actually cares enough to be there for you…why does this simple truth takes so long to sink in? Why don’t we have enough courage to accept this little fact?

Why do you give everything to a relationship and still at the end of the day all that you get in return is accusations and fingers pointing at you that YOU haven’t been a good friend….why do you go out of your way to help your friends in need, when they need a shoulder to cry on and when you need them..they are too busy in their lives to actually be there for you…

Is it just my life or it happens with everybody???

I guess at the end of the day all what I receive after giving so much love and loyalty to my friends are tears and a broken heart.

It hurts to think that your tears don’t matter to anyone…it hurts that YOU don’t matter to anyone…

As they say this is life…

This is for two people who have been very close to me and who have hurt me beyond imagination….and still after everything ,I no I am stupid enough to be there for them whenever they need me…

another milestone

2007-08-03T23:02:00.000+05:30

Last day today…..

Internship over…at Fox Mandal Little....finally…3^rd year over..

Never thought work could be so much fun…with so much exposure…and work…so much satisfaction…

Certain people helped me a lot, some did not and some took the credit of my efforts…but I have no regretsJ because all this is a part of growing up and learning and becoming smarter…

Certain people (read person!) forced me to rethink about those school times when we had all the time in the world to day dream about some people…sigh… giving me an opportunity to again go through that ‘infatuation’ phase…..

A particular friend dropped her phone in the shit pot….and gave an opportunity to the associates and partners to have a good laugh…oh and wait! Two people actually went in for a leak after the ‘fall’!!! hahaha

I am gonna miss this place…A LOT… the 11 am break and the lunch and subsequently 5.30 break…the FM tea which got me addicted…certain sirs’ who never got over their English accents just after a year abroad…. certain sir who gazed at the bulletin board ALWAYS to answer our question…. and not to forget, another co-intern thanks to whom we had lots to talk about…

I am definitely going to miss this place…I wonder if its because of the work or because of our sirs there J [Mr. Rao, section 80 sir, jaguar, mukaish…to name a few!!]

And yes! The amazing people I got to no there…people whom I thought were not so good… but are actually very good and quite interesting… and yes special mention about those guys who kept us entertained by their tactics…

I will definitely cherish this time and the memories i gathered!