dont go :(

Two things happened today…which made me ponder..about life..Yet again..

Firstly…I realized that time flies like anything.

My cousin is leaving for Australia on 27^th. I am so happy for him..nevertheless it makes me so sad…seeing him go.

I remember moving to delhi when I was in class 5. We had a blast. The four of us. Skating in the rain on the roads; cycling early in the morning; playing cricket in the sun at 2 p.m. in the month of June and July. Sigh..those were the days…wish I could travel back in time and get back those innocent days; the innocent fights; the innocent discussions; and not to forget the games we ‘invented’.

Now ‘the four of us’ are in different worlds altogether. Sana in ahemdabad; Pulkit in Bombay; Pranjal in Australia; and me here…

Time actually flies.

Wish I had a video camera with me all the years so I could capture those times and look at them whenever I am down. I am definitely going to give my children a video camera as soon as they learn their abcs’!! I am going to miss him so much.

I may not see him for the next so many years..maybe two, three, four or five..and then the distance will set in, I will be busy in my life and he will be busy in his.

I find it very strange that we cry when we part with someone, we think about him all the time till a few days and then we tend to ‘forget about him’ like he goes into our subconscious and then our unconscious.

I find this strange…really strange….having said that I don’t think my life and thought process will not be much different…

As of now the very thought of parting with someone close to me gives me goosebumps!!

He told me he’ll be there for me..

Always…

No matter what….

Even if the world turns against you…

I’ll be there..

To give you a hand..

To guide you…

To give you a shoulder to cry on…

To wipe your tears..

He said.

I trusted him…blindly…

This is life..they say…

Always unfair

Always unkind

When I needed him

He wasn’t there

He turned against me

I watched him…fighting back tears..

Tears of betrayal

Tears of disbelief

Tears of pure sadness..

I watched him stand opposite me

Standing against me

With the world..

I realized there is no such thing as perfect friendship..

Then I met another him..

I wanted perfect friendship…

But what I had forgotten was that there is NO such thing…

Things were not rosy

My expectations were high…

What he gave, were less as per my standards

Then one day something snapped…

I realized my mistake

I realized that I was trying to change him

I wanted him to become another him

Because I wanted him to be a perfect friend

I wanted him to say the nicest things

The nicest vows of friendships

Just like the earlier him

Now I can finally say I have learnt the following…

The nicest of words are not necessarily the truth

There is no such thing as the best friend or the bestest friend

Actions speak louder than words…

And that things always needn’t be expressed in words…

this is life.................

Everyday I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered why couldn’t I be as manipulative, as tactful, as ‘smart’, as think before you speak types; as soo many of my ‘friends’….and one day I decided I am actually gonna become like that so that if nothing else I will atleast be successful in my professional life…..but a statement made by a friend of mine..whos somewhere in Pune…. made me realize I was so wrong…all what he said was that the worst thing for a person is to lose his innocence…and I realized my mistake..

Whats the use of that success when all that you are getting are fake friends who have a modus operandi of being close to you…whats the use of that success when all that you get are curses and abuses from people who despise you and people who get hurt by your manipulativeness.

Life teaches you so many lessons and still you don’t learn. It makes you fall; makes you weep; makes you realize your mistake so that you don’t repeat it…but you repeat tose mistakes...again and again and again…I guess this is what happens when you think from your heart and not brain…..well as my parents often say..some people will never learn…I agree with you mom….

People close to you have a tremendous power of hurting you…and you don’t realize it until you actually get hurt…by these very people….

You don’t want to part ways with these people but sometimes the pain becomes unbearable and one day you just have to put an end to it all…not explicitly..but somewhere in your heart you realize this is it….you cant take it anymore…you cant be taken for granted forever..you cant be taken for a ride….you cant let people drain you emotionally…even if they are your closest friends….there has to be an end to all this….you have to draw a line somewhere…somehow…..to make the other person(s) realize your importance..your value and your worth…

Why cant we stop caring for people who have hurt us beyond repair… why do we still hope that things will be alright..one day…

As they say this is life…

babies

Everyone loves babiess......

this is life...sigh...

Why do friends take you for granted? Why do they value their respective girlfriends or boyfriends and treat them as precious gems…and take their friends for ride thinking that they are always going to be there..no matter what…and in the process they forget that you are also capable of getting hurt or you might also feel bad.

I guess at the end of the day you are ALONE…no one actually cares enough to be there for you…why does this simple truth takes so long to sink in? Why don’t we have enough courage to accept this little fact?

Why do you give everything to a relationship and still at the end of the day all that you get in return is accusations and fingers pointing at you that YOU haven’t been a good friend….why do you go out of your way to help your friends in need, when they need a shoulder to cry on and when you need them..they are too busy in their lives to actually be there for you…

Is it just my life or it happens with everybody???

I guess at the end of the day all what I receive after giving so much love and loyalty to my friends are tears and a broken heart.

It hurts to think that your tears don’t matter to anyone…it hurts that YOU don’t matter to anyone…

As they say this is life…

This is for two people who have been very close to me and who have hurt me beyond imagination….and still after everything ,I no I am stupid enough to be there for them whenever they need me…

another milestone

Last day today…..

Internship over…at Fox Mandal Little....finally…3^rd year over..

Never thought work could be so much fun…with so much exposure…and work…so much satisfaction…

Certain people helped me a lot, some did not and some took the credit of my efforts…but I have no regretsJ because all this is a part of growing up and learning and becoming smarter…

Certain people (read person!) forced me to rethink about those school times when we had all the time in the world to day dream about some people…sigh… giving me an opportunity to again go through that ‘infatuation’ phase…..

A particular friend dropped her phone in the shit pot….and gave an opportunity to the associates and partners to have a good laugh…oh and wait! Two people actually went in for a leak after the ‘fall’!!! hahaha

I am gonna miss this place…A LOT… the 11 am break and the lunch and subsequently 5.30 break…the FM tea which got me addicted…certain sirs’ who never got over their English accents just after a year abroad…. certain sir who gazed at the bulletin board ALWAYS to answer our question…. and not to forget, another co-intern thanks to whom we had lots to talk about…

I am definitely going to miss this place…I wonder if its because of the work or because of our sirs there J [Mr. Rao, section 80 sir, jaguar, mukaish…to name a few!!]

And yes! The amazing people I got to no there…people whom I thought were not so good… but are actually very good and quite interesting… and yes special mention about those guys who kept us entertained by their tactics…

I will definitely cherish this time and the memories i gathered!