old age

the thought of losing a parent is just unthinkable at this minute...i would die, if i have to wake up without my mom's shouts or begin my day without seeing my dad donning that skull cap, praying and his ever smiling face.. (well..mostly!)... Met my grand dad...wasn't exactly close to him...but seeing him so frail and weak made my heart melt...i dont think i can even imagine the gravity of pain being felt my father when he sees his father, whom i am sure he must have idolized in such a condition...
i cant imagine the emotions that must have gone through my father when he said 'khuda-haafiz'to him, not knowing whether he'll get to see him alive again...and i cannot imagine the guilt he must be having of not being there at this age..
life is actually strange....
it just flashes by...
I feel sad for my grand father...happy also, that he got to attend his eldest grand daughters weddings and sad that perhaps he wont be there to shower his blessings on me when i tie the knot... sad because he spent good 15-16 years without his better half by his side....it must be so difficult...even with a room full of your sons, daughters, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, grandchildren...u still feel incomplete...so alone...
its scary...
so unnerving...

i hope he lives a healthy life and so does every one around me...

blaaahhh

its been ages since i wrote something...
lots of things going on in my mind....gonna miss someone...and he still hasn't left this city... :(
just got over with the moot..had an amazing time...and saw some true faces of people...some shocking and some pleasant...
the thought that i give too much liberties to the people around me just made me realise that in this process i am loosing my dignity and self-esteem...why do i let people around me commit the same mistake again and again...and why do i forgive and forget so easily, without realising that those mistakes are mistakes for me and not for the other person...for him...its just normal.
and yes....i have also learnt to let go....although i did not want things to end like this..but then i din't have a choice....i never do.....
annndddd....oh crap....i have to do my projects...bye for now