i was wrong :(

i speak so much....but don't mean anything....god...never knew i cud be a sadist...i am not.....
i guess this is wrong on my part....to think ill for any one...this is not me....this is not the seema i was....i don want to change....i don want to think ill about any one....i cannot..no matter how much that person has hurt me...no matter how much some one thinks bad about me....

i have been hurt innumerable times...countless times...but don't think it was all their fault... it was my fault too....i have let them hurt me...i had portrayed my weaker side....i had made myself vulnerable....shown my weaker side.....
and even if i don't admit it have hurt the other person too....
but still....i give a lot in every relation of mine....my heart and my soul...but i don deserve accusations and i don't deserve to be misunderstood...
how can i NOT be happy for my close friend...how can i??
ask my parents...ask the people whom i spoke to that night....so happy and elated i was....sigh.....

and i thought i was quite vocal about my feelings for the other person.....to avoid any allegations....

i cannot curse anyone....cursing is for someone who has done NOTHING BUT TO HURT....for a certain S...whom i threw out of my life long back....not for a certain S...who gave me so so much happiness....
being hurt by someone does not mean i curse the person and forget the happier times...

i give benefit of doubt to people who have hurt me....probably to console myself...n save myself from more pain....thinking that there could have been some miscommunication, maybe he was being fed with wrong stories....ill stories....

i guess i should stop....
start accepting the realities of life and be happy for the good times.....

will miss their presence....